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Pigskin Detention: Super Bowl edition
Cold, Hard Football Facts for February 12, 2007
Rex Grossman is the most vilified man in Chicago. He more or less sucked in Super Bowl XLI, and for much of the season. We thought it would be an entertaining little exercise to compare his actual suck-filled performances with the knee-jerk reactions of the mainstream media, who were ready to place Grossman in Canton after a few good games to start the season.
“I think, at some point right before training camp, Rex Grossman had an arm transplant from Dan Fouts.” – Peter King of Sports Illustrated after Week 2
“The Bears have a legitimate top-level quarterback in Rex Grossman” – Vic Carruci of NFL.com, Oct. 1
“He has some Brett Favre in him, but he’s a winner.” – Jerome Bettis of NBC Sports, Oct. 1
“He seems like a Brett Favre kind of guy.” – Cris Collinsworth, NBC Sports, Oct. 1
“You know what somebody told me earlier this week? Is that he has some Brett Favre in him. I’m not saying he’s Brett Favre, but he does have a little of that in him.” – John Madden, NBC, Oct. 1
“Rex Grossman right now is the MVP of this league!” – Sean Salisbury, ESPN, Oct. 2
We assume the tune has changed some.
Crap that actually came from somebody’s mouth
“Peyton Manning sticks it in Joseph Addai’s stomach and pulls it out better than anyone … he sticks it in, and pulls it out.” – Ray Lewis
You’d think a man who was once accused of stabbing another human to death would avoid the phrase “stick it in his stomach and pull it out.”
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“The one thing you do not want to do against the Colts is give up that big pass play … well, any team … but especially the Colts.” – Phil Simms
This just in … NFL rule change says Colts offensive plays are now worth twice as much as the actual gain.
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“The Colts like to run what I call a stretch play.” – Phil Simms
That stretch play you’ve seen the Colts perfect over the last eight years, the stretch play you see them run over and over every week, so often that even your wife knows what it's called? The name of that play was coined by Phil Simms.
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“They had 19 plays in the first half, that’s tough … Rex couldn’t get started with only 19 plays in the first half.” – Sean Salisbury
Did it ever occur to Salisbury that Grossman – you know, the guy who handles the ball on every play – was one of the reasons the offense ran only 19 plays in the first half?
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“I am so proud of (Tony) and Lovie.” – Salisbury
The way Salisbury fawned over the coaches of the Super Bowl teams, you’d think he raised both of them.
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“Grossman didn't play well, but he didn't cost the Bears the game. He never had the chance.” – Clark Judge, CBS.Sportsline.com
Are we really to believe that Grossman didn’t cost the Bears the game? He fumbled twice. He lost one of them. He tossed two critical INTs. One of his interceptions led directly to 7 points (at a time when the Bears were down only 5). He led the Bears offense to just 10 points, three of which came after the Bears took over on the Indy 40. So, we’re going to say, yeah, Grossman did cost his team the game.
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“There are real events to look forward to: the combine, the draft, minicamp, training camp. No other sport has that.” – ESPN’s Mike Golic, on why the NFL offseason is superior to other sports
True, Mike, no other sport has training camps or drafts.
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“But the truth is Manning stunk in the playoffs. We’re literally talking about the worst playoff run by a Super Bowl-winning quarterback in the history of the league. Go check the record books ... Rather than sweet-talking Manning and over-hyping his positive impact on the field, why not stick to something closer to the truth?” – Jason Whitlock, AOL Sports
Jason Whitlock, voice of reason?
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Media Rant – 5 examples why we dislike Peter King’s Monday Morning QB column
All things considered, Peter King is probably one of the most notable and respected football writers in the country. He has been around forever in print and has recently expanded his TV duties from HBO’s Inside the NFL to NBC’s “Football Night in America." The Cold, Hard Football Facts crew even named him a " pundit we love" back in 2005.
But his staple column, the Monday Morning Quarterback (MMQB) on SI.com, has started to resemble a rambling sports gossip rag.
This week’s post-Super Bowl version was a perfect example of why it has become a deep well of material for Pigskin Detention. It included a little of everything that the MMQB has come to represent: name dropping, over-dramatization, pontificating, random opinions on non-football items and his smoldering love affair with Brett Favre.
Name-dropping: “Spent some time on Friday night with Archie, Cooper and Eli Manning. What a good family. Ever been with Cooper? I mean, I thought he was going to put a lampshade on his head at any moment.”
“Ever been with Cooper?” No Peter, we haven't. Who are you writing this for?
Over-dramatization: “Champions play like it isn't raining when it is.”
No truth to the rumor that, in honor of Peyton Manning’s game Sunday, King is getting this phrase painted on his office wall so that he can touch it every time he starts a column.
Pontificating: “Marvin Lewis, I'm told, quite reliably, that a few of your lads were in a place on South Beach called the Jersey Diner Friday morning around 5. Yes, Friday at 5 a.m.”
No f-ing way! You mean members of a team that wasn't playing in the Super Bowl, in a town famous for its raucous nightlife, were out eating at a South Beach diner at 5 a.m.? Unless they were wielding weapons or taking bong rips with their bacon and eggs (which we concede is a good possibility), there is nothing wrong, notable or newsworthy about this.
Random opinions on non-football items: “Saw one commercial – the talking lions on the Taco Bell spot – and thought it was brilliant.”
Normally we hear about colonoscopies, snooty Starbucks workers or the fact that House is the greatest single television show ever produced. This week, it was “brilliant” Taco Bell ads. We care because ... ?
Smoldering love affair with Brett Favre: “I love how Favre announced he was coming back on the Friday of Super Bowl week, and told the local paper in town. That is so classic Favre. He picked the time where the world would be most focused on something else, so he could get the minimum amount of attention. Beautiful.”
There is no way to describe the collective reaction of the Joe SportsFan staff when we read this. If we didn’t know that King has a massive man crush on Favre, we’d think it was pure sarcasm. To us, media junkie Favre announced his “return” when the entire world was talking about Peyton Manning precisely so that some of the spotlight would shine on him.
Hey, Peter: Ever been with Brett?
Salisbury’s Monkey
We thought ESPN reached a low point for butchered metaphors after the AFC title game, when one SportsCenter host said that Peyton Manning had “scratched a giant monkey of his to-do list.”
In his moment of triumph, knowing that Peyton Manning had just won the Super Bowl, Salisbury alluded to the monkey finally leaving Peyton ... in a perverted tone:
“Well, the monkey fell down to his waist after last (week)… still hanging on a little bit but now it’s completely gone.”
Beyond the fact that he completely butchered a bad metaphor (it's still hanging on but completely gone?), you’d think the angry benchwarmer who takes cell-phone pics of Mr. Pickle wouldn’t revert to such questionable and sexual commentary.
We think the monkey is still on Seńor Angry’s phone.
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